I Am A Candle

Inspired by:
The Wisdom Way of Knowing by Cynthia Bourgeault
One of my favorite literary images, and one that I’ve read time and again, is that of someone waiting at home for a long-absent loved one, candle burning in the window. That candle shines bright, spilling its beacon of light out into the dark night, staving away all that is evil in hopes that those gone will make it home.

Do you own candles?
I personally am addicted to them. I love everything about them – the different scents, colors, jars, shapes… the living light that they give off as they flicker away…. The comforting warmth they bring…. I just love candles.

Have you ever thought about the life of a candle? So much work goes into their creation…. Melting, coloring and scenting the wax, then molding it into the shape that is most appropriate for that one candle. Forming the wick, getting it inserted just so. All that time, all that work, getting the candle ready to be.

Here’s my question – why do we have candles? What is their purpose for being?
Sure, some of them are meant to just look pretty, or smell pretty, but the basic purpose, the basic reason the candle is created is to provide light. Only, the candle is unable to fulfill that purpose for quite some time. The candle spends most of its life being prepared to be ready for this purpose.

When it is finally time for the candle to do what it is meant to do, it is completely dependent upon another source of fire to be lit. It must wait for something else to come, something else to provide the fire, to become what it is meant to become. Then, as it is finally lit, with wick burning bright and wax becoming fluid and slowly melting away, the candle gets the chance to live, to be what it is supposed to be, to give as only it can truly give.

There are very few things in this world that can change what they are, that change their shape, form, and being. Water is one of the most notable – moving constantly from liquid to solid to gas, around and around, providing sustenance in every form. We drink it when we are thirsty, bathe in it when dirty, cool ourselves with it when we are hot, and soothe ourselves with it when we are weary. Candles also transformed themselves – changing from what would seem to be a fairly useless decorative item to something that speaks of calm, safety, warmth, and home. We, as humans, are also something that can and should change completely, just like that candle. We are born into this world un-formed. We must be molded, shaped, given the tools to eventually provide light to others. Malachai 3:6 says that “Nothing has to be permanent except the Lord… only He changes not.” When the flame of the Spirit finds us, we are meant to give and change everything we are to share the warmth, light, and faith with all who surround us. Just like the candle.

There is, however, something to remember about the candle. To reach its true potential, the candle has to give completely of itself. The wick burns down, slowly disappearing into ash. The wax melts, loosing its beautiful shape and scent, becoming unrecognizable from what it originally was. The candle, and all that it was meant to be, slowly burns out. It leaves only one thing behind – the memory of those beautiful, flickering moments of warmth and safety. Those memories, which can only be provided by the candle, are never forgotten, forever providing moments of comfort, of learning, of leaning, and of holiness.

God is the Tree, and I am the Leaf

The other day, I heard a comment on the radio: “I wonder if leaves are ever afraid of falling – are they afraid of heights?”

It got me thinking – this is the perfect analogy about my relationship with God.

There are so many things that I am always afraid of – so many things that are just as terrifying as the leaf’s autumnal fall from a tree. However, God is always there.

God is there as the tree itself – supporting me at my highest moments. God lets me grow to my fullest potential, performing miraculous things every day.
And, while all of this growth is happening, God is building me, just like that tree builds it’s leaf, to be perfectly formed and capable of handling the fall.

Leaves are so perfectly shaped that, when autumn comes and the leaves change and have to face that terrifying disconnection from all of the support they can see, they drift gently, oh so gently, to the ground. Just because the leaf thinks it has been cut off from the tree doesn’t mean it has – the tree is always there, giving the leaf everything it needs to safely drift to the ground.

Days

Most days flow slowly,
With everything feeling lowly.
One after another,
With little care for one another,
They pass so quickly by.

But the lights shine through occasionally,
Illuminating what happiness there is.
My breath is held,
My feelings meld,
And I hold them to me so tightly.

People

What is it about people that makes us so insane? And not only people, but our relationships with them. It is relationships, I firmly believe, that completely drive our lives. If it is an existing relationship, we are constantly re-adjusting who and what we are to compensate for the other person. If it isn’t an existing relationship, we are constantly questioning who and what we are to figure out WHY it isn’t yet a relationship. It is incredibly maddening.

Why is it that we place so much store in these things? Why do we constantly insist that who we are is completely based on someone else?

I have tried my hardest to move away from this. I have fought and fought for my independence, as superficial as it may seem at times. I have worked hard, so hard, to gain what little I have, all while standing on my own two feet.

And yet, get me around someone who interests me, someone who seems to have interest in me, and it all turns to crap. I find myself second guessing who I am, what I do. Asking myself what I did wrong. How I screwed up something so simple. Why I let myself get so invested in something so simple.

Always asking… guessing… doubting… questioning… rehashing… not sleeping…

Unhealthy? Yes.

And yet, what would we be without this constant give and take? What reason would we have for pondering who and what we are? What motive would we have for thinking about how we can become better or different? To be static is never a good thing. Living in the same unending, chair-spinning loop of life only serves to make you dizzy. To move forward, to break the cycle, it is necessary to take those chances, make the changes, and to question yourself.

Will it turn around and kick you in the ass? More than likely, and probably more than once. However, what else would you do? Live with your same old life, that never changes, never progresses? I guess it is up to us to decide – is it worth the potential pain to search for the possibility of more?

Quote of the Day....

"And now, Harry, let us step out into the night and pursue that flighty temptress adventure." -Dumbledore