Reflections on Ten Years (Originally Posted on 9/11/11)

This past weekend marked a momentous anniversary for us all, and the past few months have seen nothing but retrospectives on the occasion.  We all remember where we were, who we talked to, what we did, and how we coped. I've had the thoughts in my head for weeks now about all of these things, and also about how I want to mark them. I've made the conscious decision, though, to not dwell on what happened that day.  It was horrific and scary and so sad that it almost cannot be defined in words, and I do not want to try.  I do, however, want to take a look at what that day brought to my life personally.

We all had so many big things planned on September 10th. Mom & Dad were en route to Dallas to look for a house, preparing for a big transfer cross-country. Nikki was in Florida, excited about starting a new career in the airline industry.  I was in Kansas, looking forward to my senior year at KU. All plans that would begin to unravel oh-so-quickly.

At the time that each came apart, they seemed to each of us tragic and insurmountable. Mom and Dad began the crazy journey that would mean job change after job change and a move back to Salt Lake.  Nikki's plans would basically be cut off at the pass by circumstances that changed the airline and travel industry forever. And me.... well.... I would have to come to terms with something that I had been in denial about for quite some time - that all of my best laid plans were built on quickly shifting sands.

The amazing part about unforeseen changes is that, if you are strong enough and if you have the family and friends set around you to help leap over the hurdles, you will always come out on the other side a stronger person.

My parents have come out of the fog and found themselves in Kansas.  They arrived at a time that could not be more perfect in terms of needing to be there for themselves, for the family, and for Nikki and I.  Nikki has emerged with an amazing husband (and the best brother-in-law ever!) and three of the most precious children I've ever had the privilege of knowing.  These children of hers are the lights of my life. When a day is feeling grey and cloudy, all I have to do is get one of them on the phone, or drop by to see them, and it is instantly better.  They give me hope for the future, and their parents couldn't be doing a better job of raising them.

I came out of the gloom in a very strange place.  I became the eternal student for a while, working to fit my passions into my life in a way that would not make me hate them in the end. Finding that balance has been difficult and painful and is still going on every day, but I think it is finally starting to come together.

There have been bumps in the road.  Challenges tossed in front of us time and again.  There is truth in the adage that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.  We learn from the trying times of our lives, finding in the darkness the true light that is within ourselves.  I cannot say what our paths would have been had things happened differently on that fateful day.  I mourn the lives that were lost, and the suffering that has occurred.  However, I also celebrate the perseverance that has enabled us to not only grow, but to thrive.